(Possible Spoiler for the “Chainsaw Man”)
Today I tried writing in one blog and it went well in the beginning but after I posted it all of the questions came back “Will I succeed in writing the blog?”, “Am I doing it for the right reasons?”, “What if the worries of writing get to me?” “What about sharing images? I need to put names unless they are from the official art of some anime.”
Thinking that no matter what I do, it has meaning for someone made me feel happy. That no matter what, it will be alright. That sounded like a good idea. I am a very negative person but maybe this writing just for myself is still quit a bit ways off. Writing just for the pleasure of writing, how weird.
However I am concerned. It’s inevitable.
I was thinking of what I felt about unhealthy relationships in anime and why did I like that? Could it be because I myself have problems socializing? It could be. Maybe the manga and anime we watch makes us feel like we are better than we are.
That was something I read in a study, that one of the predictors if someone liked anime was so they can feel distinguished from other groups of people. They feel cooler than non-anime watchers or people from certain fandoms or parts of fandoms.
Another thing was that people who don’t fit in can also fit in. We are outsiders and introverted and maybe shows that are a bit negative and psychological are why we like them. Introverts and people with deep flaws are either the heroes or the villains but one thing they are not, forgotten and unimportant. Whether good or bad, they matter.
This is the good part about belonging to a group, you feel like you matter. You share in on their interactions when they compliment or give you support. That’s why belonging to a fandom is good, according to science.
I, however, do not belong to any group. Or rather, I’m what can be called a “Lurker”. I see what people say and I keep my words to myself. For example: I liked Makima (before the end) because she was a powerful entity and looked like a Master in master-servant relationships, I also liked Sebastian from Black Butler because he was the servant in the relationship but was a psychopath without emotions like the rest of humans. They lacked things that would allow them to socialize but their intelligence meant that they could navigate the social sphere quite well. I can’t fit in but lived through them a fantasy in which, if I was that smart, I could fit in.